It started simply enough. I woke up last Friday morning in desperate need of a scone. This was admittedly bizarre for several reasons. First, because I eat oatmeal almost every day and my body is generally too sleep deprived to react terribly vehemently to this automatic behavior. Second, having gone out for a “few drinks” that lasted to the wee hours of the morning the night before, I expected myself to be in the sausage-egg-and-cheese-bagel mood I’m usually in on mornings when I go out the night before. But, nevertheless, there I was at 7:45am, on my way to work, needing a scone.
Normal humans in this dilemma would’ve taken the easy route and bought a scone when they stopped for their morning latte. But no. Not this human. This human is a snot. And this human, having enjoyed homemade scones a few too many times, just couldn’t bring herself to purchase one that was undoubtedly mass-produced from some mix.
Instead of making the correct simple choice, I went grocery shopping after work. I bought butter and flour and, in a fit of St. Patty’s Day anticipation, pistachios and white chocolate. Couple things: pistachios? I know. They’re green. I kid you not – that is the one and only reason I bought them. I swear to you that I’ve had pistachios a total of one time in my entire 24 years of life, and that was at a bar in Prague (where they evidently believe “barnuts” to be unshelled pistachios). But here I was, shelling out $5 for a bag of something I wasn’t entirely sure I remembered liking, and deciding (based on literally nothing but the colors green and white being indicative of this whole March holiday thing) that white chocolate, rather than my prefered dark chocolate would be the way to go. Alright, self, let’s take a risk.
Of course, because nothing I do can ever be easy, I couldn’t find a bag of shelled pistachios. Again, normal humans would have either a) abandoned the idea, or b) gone to another store. Not this girl: I was committed. I took them home, plopped myself down at the kitchen table, and shelled half of the bag of pistachios. Thirty minutes later, I thought that toasting them up might be nice, and popped them in the oven. Not four minutes later when I checked on them, they were burned. Ruined. Black. And I shit you not, rather than surrender to whatever God it was that obviously was against my quest to have a goddamn scone on Friday, I shelled the other half of that bag. Say it with me, friends: COMMITMENT.
Anyway, despite my best efforts to eff up as much as possible in one single evening, I eventually had my scones. And they were green and white, and incredibly tiny and cute. And by Saturday afternoon at 1:00, they were also very much all gone – courtesy of a family who “doesn’t really like pistachios.” Riiiiight.
White Chocolate Pistachio Scones
1 3/4 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
3 tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
5 tbsp (chilled) butter, cut into small cubes
3/4 cup pistachios
2 oz. white chocolate, chopped
1 cup heavy cream
Heat oven to 425. In a spice/coffee grinder or food processor, grind 1/4 cup of pistachios into a powder. Whisk this powder together with all of the dry ingredients except the other 1/2 cup of whole pistachios. Cut in butter with a pastry blender (you can do this in a food processor as well, but I did it by hand) until it is mostly blended into the dry ingredients (there will still be some chunks of butter). Stir in whole pistachios. Mix in heavy cream until a dough is formed, then turn out the dough and all of the floury bits onto a countertop.
Knead just until it comes together in a sticky ball, then press it into an 8-inch cake pan. Turn the dough back out of the pan and onto your countertop. It will retain the shape of the pan, and you can then cut the dough into 12 equal wedges (I actually made 24 mini scones this time).
Place wedges on a baking sheet (I lined mine with parchment paper) and bake 12-15 minutes (scones will just be turning brown).