Sometimes I love New Jersey. Like when you’re driving down the highway and the sign mounted on the side of the road directly beyond the toll booth says “Keep Moving!” instead of something P.C. like “Maintain Speed.” Or when that “speed” you’re supposed to be maintaining is 15 miles-per-hour higher than the posted “speed limit,” which in Jersey is really no more than a suggestion, honestly.
Sometimes, though, I remember why I tried so damn hard to get out. Like when you’re politely standing in line for some delicious looking food and some woman with gelled-down New-Jersey-big-hair (seriously, you can reference this phenomenon to anyone who grew up in the Jers, and I promise they will know precisely what you’re talking about) reaches over you and says “Oh, you don’t mind do you? I don’t have time to wait in the line.”
Well, since you put it that way, allow me to move aside, ma’am. Lord knows your time is far more valuable than mine.
Such was the scene at the Atlantic City Food and Wine Festival yesterday. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that AC doesn’t generally attract the best clientel (have you seen the Real Housewives of New Jersey?), but come on. “I know there’s a line, I just don’t want to stand in it” is not a valid argument. I waited in line for my truffle, lady, and so can you!
But crazy North Jersey women aside, it was a great time. And my GOD did we eat some good food. Boyfriend dragged his jaw around the entirety of the Bally’s Casino Grand Ballroom because I ate not just an octopus, but raw blue marlin as well. I tell ya, if you force me to wait in line for something for an hour, let me drink several glasses of wine, tell me the food is going to be the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life (and yes, I still believe it the third or fourth time), and hand it to me – I WILL EAT IT. I’ll stare down the salmon on Boyfriend’s dinner plate for an hour without summoning the cajones to take even a meager little bite, but I scarfed that octopus right up. No questions asked. I can’t even say I understand myself sometimes.